Have you given your Gaara a hug today?
by FurbyGirl
Summary: A collection of short stories by Furby Girl and Darkstaranime.
1. Have You Given Your Gaara a Hug Today?

It all started in World Cultures...

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Happy now, you evil lawyers?

Chapter One- Italian-American Fangirls (Written by DSA)

"Gaara!" The squealing Italian- American fangirl wearing all black ran down the road.

Gaara turned. "What the he-" when the wind was knocked out of him by the madly laughing demon-child. (According to him.)

"Er-"

"Hi! I'm Elizabeth! Can I give you a hug?"

"..."

"Please?"

"..."

"PLEASE?"

"Sand Coffin!"

Dead silence. Gaara shook his head and continued down the road.

Suddenly, from behind him, came a muffled noise from the bloody pile of sand.

"Yay!"

THE END

A/N: DSA wrote this, not me, so guess who she based the Italian-American fangirl is.

DSA: Eh, not my fault. I was gonna post this two days ago, on Gaara's birthday, but I forgot. Ironically, Jan. 19th is a death day as well as a birthday. I don't know how many of you heard about the stabbing at Lincoln-Sudbury HS in MA, USA on Jan. 19th, but a freshman died as a result. So this is for him as well as Gaara. RIP James.


	2. Encounter

Chapter 2: Encounter

Last 11 words by DSA. Sweet.

Okay, we're putting up another chapter early. But we want 3 reviews before we put up the next one. ...I mean, the one after the next because the next chapter is going up with this one. So three reviews, please. It's really not that hard. Just press the button. Thanks!!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto! Anyone suprised?

Sasuke walks into our World Cultures class, all the girls faint.

Haku walks into our World Cultures class, all the boys faint.

THE END


	3. A Rant for Your Convenience

Chapter 3: A Rant for your Convenience-From FG

Come on, people, let's get some reviews here!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

I swear to God Haku is a girl! Even Naruto thought he was and he was all flirting with him and calling him Sis and stuff! I mean he walks around with his hair down in pink kimonos with flowers on them and he talks **and **looks like a girl. Even Sasuke stopped and took a second look when he walked by and he's not even attracted to the opposite sex! Not that he knew it wasn't a girl or anything. But the first time he came into the series I was like "That's not a guy you freak, that so sounds like a girl," and then when he took off his mask I was like "Ha it Is a girl!" But then Zabuza starts calling him a boy and stuff so I guess he isn't... but I still want proof!


	4. Procrastination

"Hey Liz..."

"Yeah?"

"Who has lightning powers?"

DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN NARUTO AND NEVER WILL! You think they think we'd get it by now. Honestly. It's such a waste of typing time.

ANYWAY!

Chapter Four: Procrastination, it was all a result of the deadly sin of procrastination. On day in World Cultures me and Kaytie (Kaytie and I, for you grammar freaks such as Kaytie, my beta. Yes. That one I just mentioned.) were drooling (at least I was, Kaytie was sighing) over pictures of Naruto instead of doing our work on the Black Plague. Suddenly- a bolt of lightning exploded from the heavens and smites the substitute teacher!!!!...

Kakashi laughed.


	5. Old Joke, New Characters

Chapter 5: Old Joke, New Characters

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Would you like me to do a song and dance for you?

DSA: Okay people! Can we get some reviews? We have no idea how stupid, crazy, etc. people think this is, so...yeah? Can you give us an idea? BTW: Warning- The next chapter is a little...odd. Just warning you in advance.

On then!!!

Tenten and Neji walked into a bar which is stupid because Neji should have ducked.

The End!!!

A/N: Hahahaha. Next few lines of laughing cut out by beta...

FG: It takes about as much time to review as it did to post this!! (Short chappie) Anyway, thanks in advance and a cookie to whoever reviews.


	6. A short note

Just a short note from your humble beta, Dark staranime...:

Sorry, we've both been really really reeeaaaaallllly busy. Furby's a techie and I'm an actor, and rehearsal's been nuts, and we've had tests, and homework, and blah and blah and blah...so yeah. I'll post the chapter as soon as I can, which really means as soon as Furby gets it to me because I'm lazy and the chapter is pretty long. So I'm occupying your time meanwhile after two months of laziness. So! If anyone has suggestions for randomness-occurrences in the lovely world of Narutoshire, let me know. We'll use it. Believe me. It's that or Ino with explosive flowers...and we don't want that, do we?

DSA


	7. 5 AM News, Live Report

Chapter 10: 5am News, Live Report

**Disclaimer: Every girl can dream that they are the owners of Naruto, but in the end… we're just not. **

**Nor Does FurbyGirl or her beta DSA own Toyz'r'us, the Red Sox (though as Boston Fans and residents , we'd love to), 1-800-54-GIANT (which I spelled wrong and changed a little), Flealine advantage (or advantics or whatever it is) Belden Jewelers, Little Debbie or (holy crap Furby you used sooo many commercials…..) Goldfish, Fox Woods, Meow Mix, or Dr. Pepper, and I SWEAR IF THERE ARE ANY MORE REFERENCES IM GOING TO KILL YOU any other references or jingles that are in this particular story. DSA**

**Hinata: **Good morning Konoha, this is Hyuga Hinata-chan and Uzumaki Naruto-kun with the 5 o'clock A.M. News. We have some new updates on the Sakura-chan Baby Watch. Well, after three long days of hard labor, Haruno Sakura-chan has finally given birth to her babies. The exact number is not yet known, but it's definitely more then one.

**Naruto:** Also the father of these babies remains a mystery but we have a pretty good idea of who it might be. We have cameramen tracking him down as we speak.

**Hinata:** We also have Inuzuka Kiba-kun and Akamaru-chan on the scene outside of the hospital where a big crowd has gathered awaiting the results of the birth. Kiba-kun how are things out there?

**Kiba:** Things are pretty wild over here Hinata, as you can see a crowd has gathered in front of the hospital and are now awaiting the news of the number of babies. Nobody is being let inside the hospital and everyone's getting pretty squeamish and anxious out here... Let's see what the crowd is thinking...

**Ino:** I bet Sakura has 50 babies and is in so much pain right now. There's no way she'll be able to be a kunoichi after this.

**Kiba:** How do you feel about Sakura getting pregnant in the first place? Are you angry? Maybe even jealous?  
**Ino:** …Sakura Is Just A Dirty Whore And No One Would Ever Like Her, Especially Not MY Sasuke! She's A Slut And She's Greedy And Has A Gigantic Forehead! Gaaaahhhhhh! (Stomps off in fury)

**Shikamaru:** It's all just a gigantic pain. You know the law, each married couple is only aloud to have two children, and there's no way that she only had two. Plus she's not even married yet. Ah, what a drag…

**Kakashi:** Um, it's a great shock for everyone, she hid the pregnancy so well that no one saw it coming... I didn't even see it coming! I never thought Sakura would turn out like this; she seemed so responsible and would have been a great kunoichi.

**Kiba:** Do you think the father is a member of your squad?

**Kakashi:** Ha, ha, ha, no. Sakura always hated Naruto and they would never do anything that could lead to this. She did however have a big crush on Sasuke, but I'm pretty sure he hated her with a passion. Plus I know that Sasuke would never do anything so irresponsible… Though I've already been wrong about one of them…

**Kiba:** So can your Byakugan see pregnancy?

**Neji:** Most likely, yeah.

**Kiba:** Couldn't you have seen this coming then?

**Neji:** Well I don't exactly walk around using my Byakugan on everyone, it wastes chakra, and Sakura isn't really a threat so there was never a reason to use it. I guess if I did I could have seen it coming but it wouldn't really have made a difference.

**Kiba:** What do you say; want to look into the hospital and tell us the number of babies?

**Neji:** Ah...I don't think so. (runs)

**Kiba:** Oh come on; please man! I thought we were tight- (follows him)

**TenTen:** I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing but three days is a bit much. And I can't help but wonder what affect this will have on her future. It's pretty hard to be a ninja and a mother at the same time… not that I would know…

**Rock Lee:** Sakura! Why have you done this to me?! WHY??? (Cutting wrists)

**Kiba:** Well then back to you Naruto (Hides Lee from camera)

**Naruto:** Ooooookay… So! We have breaking news! Kabuto (growl!) has so kindly taken this video from inside the delivery room (But we still hate him!). From what we can see here, there are one, two, three…… eleven. ELEVEN?!!! Yes, Haruno Sakura-san has successfully delivered all… eleven of her babies. Damn!

**Hinata:** Well it looks like 5 girls 5 boys and I think that small one's a boy?

**Naruto:** Where?

**Hinata:** There, the smallest one with the red hair. I'm pretty sure that's a boy, he doesn't look like the others though. They all have pink, silver or dark brown hair, and they're bigger and don't look as depressed.

**Naruto:** Yeah, he kinda looks like…………… G-aa-ra? Minus the funky eye makeup though.

**Hinata:** …Yeah, actually... someone look into that. Anyways our camera team led by Jiraiya-sama has finally found the man that could very well be the father of these 11 children. Uchiha Sasuke-kun.

**Jiraiya:** (Running up the road towards Sasuke, who is walking away) Sasuke! Sasuke! So are you the father? What are your feelings about the situation? How long have you and Sakura been at it? Sasuke over here! So how was she? Huh? You must have really been into it-

**Sasuke:** Get Out Of My Face! (Scream. Spurt of blood. Camera goes blank)

**Hinata:** Well that's the last time we use him as a field reporter.

**Naruto:** Well I'm surprised he actually found Sasuke. Knowing Jiraiya he'd probably just run off to sneak a peak at-

**Hinata:** ANYWAYS! The news is out about the number of children, but as the law states, each married couple is only allowed two children. Considering Sakura-chan is unmarried and the father is unknown the Hokage-dono is now in a secret meeting with the council… that isn't really a secret anymore… to decide what to do with the children. And we'll be right back after a message from our sponsors…

"Ramen, ramen, I like ramen, everybody likes ramen!! Ramen is good, ramen is sweet, a tasty treat, real nice to eat, feels good on my feet, ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh ramen……… cha, cha, cha! RAMEN! YEAH!!!

Ichi Raku Ramen baby! Located in downtown Konoha, so come on down and try some!

Ramen is good, ramen is sweeet….ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh ramen… YEAH!"

**Naruto:** Man I love that commercial!

**Hinata:** Well yeah, you did make it.

**Naruto:** True that sista!

**Hinata:** Naruto-kun you are so white.

**Naruto:** Looks at camera and notices they're on air And we're back (Sits down) with The Konoha Morning News at 5. During the commercial break we had Asuma-sensei take over Jiraiya's job.

**Asuma:** So Gaara, have you heard the news of Sakura's children?

**Gaara:** Yeah, what of it?

**Asuma:** Well it has been said that one of the children has a strong resemblance to yourself, what do you have to say about this?

**Gaara:** I have nothing to say.

**Asuma:** Well you must have something you want to say.

**Gaara:** No I don't.

**Asuma:** Are you the father then?

**Gaara:** No…

**Asuma:** Are you sure?

**Gaara:** Yes….

**Asuma:** Really?

**Gaara:** Yes….

**Asuma:** Really REALLY?

**Gaara:** Sand Coffin! (Scream. Spurts of blood and sand. Camera goes blank)

**Naruto: **………….. Well it looks like we'll be needing yet another reporter.

**Hinata:** Indeed, while we get on that we'll go back to you Kiba-kun. How are things in front of the hospital going?

**Kiba:** Hinata, the crowd is in shock out here. 11 babies are quiet a lot and people are anxious to know who the father is and how Sakura is fairing. We are now awaiting the Hokage's announcement on what is to be done with the children.

**Naruto:** Indeed the Hokage seems to be taking his sweet old ass time making a decision on this. But now we have our back-up reporter, Kurenai-sensei, on the move to scout out the possible fathers.

**Hinata:** Yes, but we are having trouble finding them. It seems that they have gone into hiding, but we'll smoke them out sooner or later.

(Gaara and Sasuke are hiding in a tree.)

**Sasuke:** So, you hiding from the news station too?

**Gaara:** Yep.

**Sasuke:** So…. You want to go get a pizza after this?

**Gaara:** Sure.

**Sasuke:** Yep… pizza.

**Gaara:** ……………So are you the father?

**Sasuke: **No! Are you?

**Gaara:** No!

**Kurenai:** (Walking down the street towards the tree) Well they have to be around here somewhere. Find Them!

**CrewMember:** Yes ma'am!

**Sasuke:** (standing up) Time to go.

**Gaara:** Yep. (They both jump off into the trees)

**Naruto:** ………

**Hinata: **………

**Naruto:** So… how 'bout them Red Sox?

**Hinata:** 56 wins, huh?

**Naruto:** Yep…

**Hinata:** Jeez, there is nothing new on this story, there's no sign of Gaara-kun or Sasuke-kun and the Hokage-dono is still in the secret meeting with the council. Now what?

**Naruto:** Let's see if we can get a camera-crew into the hospital to interview Sakura, that should kill some time. (Presses button) Bob, get us a camera-crew into the hospital and make it snappy.

**Hinata:** (Yawning) We should also do some DNA testing to find out who the actual father is.

**Naruto: **Yeah probably. (Resting head on table, while Hinata spins around in her spinney chair)

**Naruto:** ……….(Looking at camera) Are we on air?

**Cameraman: **Yes.

**Naruto: **Oh crap! (Sits up) Hello folks! We still aren't able to find Sasuke or Gaara but we're gonna see if we can do some DNA testing to find out who the true father is.

**Hinata:** And we also have Kabuto-kun (Growl!) inside the hospital who will now be interviewing Sakura-chan. Kabuto-kun.

**Kabuto:** Thanks Hinata. So Sakura, how are you doing after three days of labor?

**Sakura:** (Holding a pink haired baby girl) I'm so tired and still in pain but it's not as bad as it was before. It's been hard but I'm glad its over and that I have such beautiful children.

**Kabuto:** The question of who the father is has remained unanswered, could you tell us who it is?

**Sakura:** Actually I'm not sure who the father is either. I wish I knew but I'm as clueless as you guys are.

**Kabuto:** Could it be Sasuke or possibly even Gaara?

**Sakura: **I would like it to be Sasuke and I'm not quiet sure how I'd feel if it was Gaara, but I guess it's possible it could be one of them.

**Kabuto:** I'm sure you are well aware of the law that each family is only aloud to have two children. What do you think will happen to your 11 babies because of this?

**Sakura:** Well I hope that I will be able to keep at least 3 or 4 of them even though I am unmarried. I'm not sure what they'll do with the others but I hope whatever the council decides it will be for the best.

**Kabuto:** Thank you very much for your time Sakura, we'll let you rest now. Back to you Naruto.

**Naruto:** … Hey Hinata, you think Kabuto is the father?

**Hinata:** Why would you say that?

**Naruto:** I just got this weird feeling that it could be him and the babies with the silver hair kinda look like him.

**Hinata: **Either him or Kakashi-sensei.

**Naruto: **That's kinda creepy… Kinda really creepy……

**Hinata:** Well anyway, our camera crew, now led by the beautiful Kurenai-sensei (fwa!), has finally located our two run-away father candidates.

(Sasuke and Gaara are sitting in a tree surrounded by the camera crew)

**Kurenai:** Come on guys, just come down for one second.

**Sasuke:** No, go away you hag! We are NOT the fathers!

**Kurenai:** Well if you're both so certain that you're not, I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a blood sample to prove it.

**Sasuke: **Fine we will.

**Gaara:** Good luck getting one from me though, it won't be easy with my sand and all. Believe me, it's hard enough being emo when you can't even cut yourself.

**Kurenai:** I'm sure we'll find a way, just come on down.

**Naruto:** Well now, it looks like we're finally getting somewhere.

**Hinata:** Indeed it does, and we'll announce the test results right after this commercial break.

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"Who do you call when your windshields busted?! 1-800-X0-GAINT!…lalalalala… Call number 1-800-X0-GAINT!"

"I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toyz'R'us kid, there's a million toys at Toyz'R'us that I can play with, from bikes to trains to videogames, it's the greatest toy store that is, Gee Whiz! I don't want to grow up, cause baby if I did, I couldn't be a Toyz'R'us kid, Toyz'R'us!"

**Hinata:** And we're back with the Konoha News at 5. Well after some difficulty with getting Gaara's blood…

(Gaara is strapped to a medical table)

**Kurenai:** Nothings working, the sand keeps getting in the way. (Stabbing at Gaara with knife)

**Kakashi:** I guess we'll just have to use chidori.

**Gaara:** No, not that, please!

(Scream)

**Hinata:** … we finally got the results from the DNA testing.

**Naruto:** Due to suspicions we've tested both Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara of the Desert and the results are (opens envelope and removes results)… negative… both of them.

**Hinata:** Well it seems that both Sasuke-kun and Gaara-kun are not the fathers of Sakura-chan's children. And we're back to square one. Looks like we'll need to do more testing.

**Naruto:** Okay, we're gonna go to a commercial break while we do more testing and we'll have the results when we come back.

"I love her so, this she must know, the way that I show her, (Belden) has got to go straight to the heart, straight to the heart, Belden Jewelers, Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh… blah-blah-blah-blah-blah… Straight to the heart, Belden Jewelers Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

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**Naruto:** And we're back with The Konoha 5 O'clock News and the results are in for the DNA testing… and we'll find out who the father is right after this commercial break!

"Blah-blah-blah-blah goldfish, something-something goldfish, the tasty snack that smiles back, until you bite their heads off, you know they're made of real cheese, although they look like fishies, it's the snack that smiles back Goldfish!"

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**Hinata:** All right we're back for real now and here are the results of the test. (struggles to open envelope)

**Naruto:** Um, well while she's trying to open that I guess I'll fill you in on the details of the testing. Since the two men that we thought were the fathers weren't we had to go back and test all the genin that were acquainted with Sakura and Kabuto and Kakashi-sensei because some of the children look like them and Kabuto's just a bitch. So if Hinata ever opens that envelope we'll find out who it is!

**Hinata:** (Struggling with envelope) I've almost got it Naruto-kun hold on.

Five minutes later…

**Naruto:** No you don't, give me that! (snatches the envelope from Hinata and opens it) And the father is…………………(Drum Roll)……………………… Rock Lee?

**Hinata:** What? (Grabs paper from Naruto and reads it over) Yeah, Rock Lee-kun is the father.

**Naruto:** How did that happen?

**Hinata:** I have no clue.

**Naruto: **They must have been really drunk…

**Hinata:** Well, as a big shocker to all of us, it turns out that Rock Lee-kun is the father of 11 children. Kiba-kun is now on the scene outside of the hospital with him. Kiba-kun.

**Kiba:** Thank you Hinata. So Rock Lee, it turns out that you are the father of Sakura's eleven children, how does it feel?

**Rock Lee:** (awestruck with tears in his eyes) I…I…I do not know what to say. I feel wonderful! And confused, very confused… but Happy! It is all just happening so quickly.

**Kiba:** Well congratulations man. Eleven is indeed a lot. But now we shall see if his position as father is a blessing, or a curse!

**Hinata:** Thank you Kiba-kun. And now it seems that the Hokage-dono is finally out of council and will announce the decision the village has made regarding what shall be done with the children.

**Hokage:** As you all know the law states that each married couple can only have two children per family. But Sakura is neither married nor of age to begin a family and has had eleven children. However eleven children and three days of hard labor are more then any girl of 13 should go through. So considering she knew the consequences and what she was getting herself into but went through with it anyways, we shall allow her to keep two children of her choice and the rest shall be eliminated at once. As to her position as a kunoichi of the village, she may continue her training as a genin if she is able to support and provide a healthy environment for the children. If she fails to be able to continue both her training and provide for the children, they shall be taken away from her immediately or she must resign her position as a ninja of the village and live as a full time mother. This is the will of the council and the village, so shall it be!

**Gaara:** (Standing in front of Sakura at the hospital, smiling and holding a scythe) Pick two we're killing nine.

**Sakura:** Nine? How about just eight?

**Gaara:** No Nine! Point and choose which ones shall live.

**Sakura:** Fine, those two. (Points to a baby girl with silver hair and baby boy with pink hair)

**Gaara:** Okay! (lifts scythe to slaughter the rest. Camera goes blank)

**Hinata:** And so the Sakura-chan Baby Watch comes to a close. In the end Sakura-chan was aloud to keep two of her children, a baby girl Satomi-chan, and a baby boy Shingo-kun.

**Naruto:** Sakura and Lee were not forced to be married because of the situation (thankfully) and both carried on as genin of the village. And so this is the end of the 5 O'clock AM News for today, I'm Naruto Uzumaki…

**Hinata:** And I'm Hyuga Hinata-chan, see you next time! (Smile)

(End Credits)


	8. The Case of the Missing Ramen

Chapter 8:The Case Of The Missing Ramen!!!

Disclaimer: I had a dream I was the owner of Naruto but then, I woke up. Pooh!

If there are any other references we will always disclaim them at the end of the story.

_Naruto Screams!_ "The Ramen! Where Is The Ramen!?!?" Naruto shrieked in panic as he strip searched his apartment for missing noodles. "WHO TOOK MY RAMEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

He threw down the bed sheets and exploded out of the demolished apartment and down the street at breakneck speed. "Whoever did this will PAY!!!" He screamed murderously to the skies.

He slid to a stop in front of Sasuke's house gasping for air. The house lay quiet and all the windows had been shut and the shades were all drawn. "Sasuke, it must have been him," Naruto hissed vengefully before rushing to the back door.

Inside the Uchiha house all was dark and filled with thick smoke. Sasuke Uchiha and Kiba Inuzuka sat stretched out against a black couch that had been tipped over breathing in the smoke deeply and passing a bong back and forth. Akamaru sat in the corner with his paws over his nose choking from the smoke and the terrible smell. "Hey Akamaru, what's wrong? You look horrible, come join us and relax." Kiba said peacefully taking another puff on the bong.

Akamaru stood up and barked angrily at him then started to choke and covered his nose again. "Bummer," Kiba replied to the random outburst.

"What'd he say?" Sasuke asked taking the bong for Kiba.

"I'm not really sure, something about muffins I think," Kiba replied.

Akamaru growled at them angrily. "Whatev's" Sasuke sighed taking a puff on the bong.

_CRASH!_

Suddenly the back door blew out casting a ray of light onto the stoned shinobi. "AH, The Light, It BURNS!!!" Kiba cried covering his eyes and jumping behind the overturned couch.

Akamaru barked happily and rushed outside into the fresh, clean air. Sasuke shielded his eyes from the light and peered through the thinning smoke at the orange figure that stood heaving in the doorway. "Dude, I think someone just broke into your house," Kiba whispered to Sasuke peeking over the couch at the door that lay destroyed on the floor, frame and all.

"I'm aware of that," Sasuke said taking another puff on the bong he was still holding.

"Sasuke! You Ramen Whore!" The figure at the door screamed.

"Hey it's Naruto," Kiba said coming out from behind the couch and grabbing the bong from Sasuke, "Come to join us have you?"

"Sasuke! You took my ramen, I know it was you! CONFESS!!!" Naruto yelled storming into the house and grabbing Sasuke by the collar.

"Chilllax Loser, I don't know what you're talking about. Besides I don't even like ramen, why the fuck would I take yours?" Sasuke asked removing Naruto's hands from his shirt.

"Then It Was YOU!" Naruto yelled pointing an accusing finger at Kiba.

"What? I don't even know what ramen is!" Kiba replied.

"Dude, its noodles," Sasuke said turning to him.

"Oh yeah, right…" Kiba said staring at the ceiling in realization, "… but anyways I've been here for the past 2 days so it couldn't have been me."

"Then Who Was It?" Naruto cried furiously.

Sasuke and Kiba both exchanged glances. "Sakura?" Sasuke suggested.

"It's possible," Kiba agreed taking a puff on the bong peacefully.

"Gimme' that!" Naruto said snatching the bong from Kiba and taking a long drag on it then releasing the soothing smoke slowly.

"Alright, you're off the hook for now, but don't think this is over!" Naruto said tossing the bong back to Kiba and heading for the whole in the wall.

"No, no, no! You get back here and fix this door before my parents get home from work!" Sasuke shouted sternly, pointing at the broken door that lay forgotten on the floor.

"But I don't know how to fix a door!" Naruto complained turning to him.

"Well you should have thought of that before you kicked it down!" Sasuke replied angrily.

"Actually, I used a paper bomb," Naruto replied scratching his head.

"I don't care how you did it just fix it! My parents are gonna kill me if they see this!" Sasuke groaned.

"Dude, your parents are dead," Kiba whispered loudly.

"They are?" Sasuke asked turning to him.

"Yeah, your whole family is dead, except for your brother," Kiba replied.

"I have a brother?" Sasuke asked, staring into space.

"Dude you are so stoned," Kiba muttered shaking his head.

"Whatever, I have to go find Sakura and my RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled rushing off down the street again.

"That's right; I _do_ have a brother… What's his name again?"

"How should I know…?"

As Naruto rampaged through town searching for the newly convicted kunoichi he slid to a stop in front of a drinking house when he heard familiar voices coming from inside. "I don't get it!!! I mean I can see why he doesn't like you but ME!? The most beautiful blond in Konoha?! It doesn't make sense!"

"I thought being on his squad would get me closer to him but it's no use, nothing I do works!!!"

"Oh Ladies, fear not! For there are many other men in this village that would die for your love!"

"But Why Not HIM?!"

Naruto stormed into the drinking house and up to the bar where Lee was sitting between Ino and Sakura with his arms around them. "Sakura, You Pink Robot SKANK!!!" Naruto yelled pointing an accusing finger at her.

Sakura emptied her mug in one gulp then turned around to face him. "Naruto, go away, I don't want to deal with you right now…" She slurred.

"Sakura I didn't know you were a robot," Ino said leaning heavily on the bar.

"I'm not you Pig!" Sakura snapped angrily taking a shot.

"Um, are you guys drinking?" Naruto asked approaching the bar.

"Yes, you whore!" Ino shouted.

"I am not drinking," Lee said proudly.

"Liar!" Sakura cried throwing the shot glass at him.

"But you guys are underage!" Naruto said.

"Well so are you!" Ino spat.

"But I'm not drinking," Naruto replied.

"Whatever, I don't care if we're underage! It doesn't matter anymore," Ino choked.

"They are sad because Sasuke does not like them," Lee whispered to Naruto.

"Oh come on, Sasuke's a bitch, forget about him." Naruto said angrily.

"Yes, but he is a beautiful bitch none the less," Sakura said dreamily taking a sip of the sake the bartender had cautiously just placed in front of her.

"Then what are you doing here Lee?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"I am comforting them," Lee said dangerously, pulling Ino and Sakura closer to him.

"I see….." Naruto replied, unsure.

"Maybe it's because we cut our hair!" Ino said in panic looking at Sakura.

"SHIT, it probably is! We have to get extensions!!!" Sakura replied immediately.

"Um, he still hated you when your hair was long," Naruto reminded them.

"FUCK!!! He's right!" Ino sobbed.

"But anyways Sakura, Sasuke said YOU took my Ramen And I Want It BACK!!!" Naruto said remembering why he had come.

"Sasuke said I took it? Why does he hate me sooo?!" Sakura wailed.

"It is alright Sakura, for I still love you," Lee said trying to ease her pain.

"But still!" Sakura said leaning on his shoulder.

"So you confess! ROBOT SKANK!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled.

"Naruto, I'm on a diet, why would I steal your ramen?" Sakura squeaked, on the verge of tears.

"Well, I don't know," Naruto mumbled.

"Exactly," Sakura hiccupped.

"Then it Was YOU Ino!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled angrily.

"Naruto, I don't even know where you live. For all I know you live in a dumpster in Shikamaru's back yard. Plus I HATE ramen!" Ino said angrily taking a shot.

"That is so cold," Naruto sniffed wiping a tear from his eye.

"Naruto, just leave them alone, they have suffered enough," Lee said.

"LEE! YOU TOOK IT! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO COVER IT UP!!! I see right through you…." Naruto screeched.

"What, I have been here with them since last night. It could not have been me. Plus I am a respectable gentleman; I would not stoop so low as to stealing." Lee replied in an English accent

"THEN WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?!?!?!?!?" Naruto wailed.

"Let's think, who do we know that eats everything in sight and is always hungry?" Ino asked.

"You," Sakura said harshly.

"No, Choji!" Ino replied taking a swig of sake.

"The Slut!" Naruto cried rushing out of the bar.

"Now ladies, where were we?" Lee asked stroking Sakura's bottom.

"Must Find My RAMEN!!!!!!!!!" Naruto wailed outside.

Naruto ran through the forest with blood wrath in his eyes. "Choji! The Slut! Eaten All My Ramen! He Shall SUFFER!!!" he shrieked scaring away all the animals near by.

A furious cry erupted from the distance causing a flock of birds to fly away in a panic. "CHOJI!!!" Naruto yelled running at full speed towards the sound.

He slid to a stop in a clearing where Choji was rolling around on the ground in circles like an idiot. "Choji! It Was YOU! You Ate My Ramen You Fat Food SLUT!!!" Naruto screamed at him but Choji seemed not to notice.

Looking closer Naruto noticed that Choji was completely bald and his face was red with anger. "You Won't Get Away! I'll crush you with my HUMAN BOULDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The fat shinobi shrieked, his voice cracking terribly.

"What the fuck?" Naruto mumbled staring at him, a bit freaked out.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Shikamaru said casually coming out of the bushes twirling a pair of scissors through his fingers. "He's so mad he forgot to use his expansion jutsu first, which makes this even more worth it."

"Wait, you shaved him?" Naruto asked in surprise.

"Yep, he's been buggin' me for the past 24 hours, so I shaved him. Hence the reaction," Shikamaru smirked proudly.

"I guess he got what was coming to him," Naruto said.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Choji screamed looking up then rolling clumsily towards them.

Naruto and Shikamaru both stepped to the side easily avoiding his attempted attack.

"So what has he eaten since he's been with you?" Naruto asked remembering why he had come in the first place.

"Well lets see, some chicken, barbecue pork, short ribs, 25 bags of chips, teddy grams, beans, cheese, a turkey wrap, some Jello, leachy nuts, more chips, cat food, acorns, chocolate cookies, vanilla cookies, strawberry cookies, muffins, tuna, mashed potatoes, ham salad sandwich, some crap he found on the ground…" Shikamaru said counting them out on his fingers.

"Any ramen?" Naruto asked interrupting him.

"Nope, no ramen," Shikamaru replied after a moment of thought.

"Damn, I could have sworn he'd take it. Hey! Maybe it was YOU! You Stole Me RAMEN!" Naruto cried pointing a deadly finger at him.

"Steal your ramen? Nah, too much work, I'd just be a pain to do. Plus I'd much rather watch this," Shikamaru said watching as Choji rolled into a giant tree, smashing his head on it.

"True that," Naruto agreed convinced of his innocence. "Then it was YOU POTTER!!! Magical Hoe!!!" Naruto yelled whirling around and pointing at the black haired wizard.

"What? I don't even belong in this anime! I'm not even anime! I'm supposed to be a wizard with raging hormones and major issues. Everything I Know Is A Lie!!!!!!" Potter wailed as tears poured from his eyes.

"Wow, that sucks," Naruto said.

"You have no idea! I'm always angry and I don't know WHY!!!! But now that you know my life story I cannot allow you to live, SO DIE BITCHES! ALOHOMORA!" Harry cried pointing his wand at Naruto.

"But you didn't tell us anything! And isn't that an unlocking spell?" Shikamaru asked.

"Indeed it is young Skywalker! And Now I, Harry Potter, have successfully unlocked your virginity and now… it is mine HAHAHA! So long my good fellows! Magic Awaits ME! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Harry laughed skipping away in his black robe.

"Hey Shikamaru?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah," Shikamaru replied.

"What's a virginity?" Naruto asked watching the wizard disappear into the trees.

"Idiot," Shikamaru sighed.

"Shikamaru!!!!! I'll crush You!" Choji growled as he stumbled to his feet, a large lump forming on his naked head.

"Psh, my ass you will!" Shikamaru replied.

Shino was frolicking gaily through the forest chasing a bright blue butterfly. "Hehe, pretty…" He muttered to himself as he followed it silently.

The butterfly flew into a clearing where 3 people were standing. "Oh, it's Shikamaru, Choji, and Naruto," Shino said adjusting his glasses.

Choji was obviously pissed off and bald for some odd reason. He reached out and crushed the blue butterfly in his hand and threw it to the ground, gritting his teeth at Shikamaru.

Shino stopped dead in his tracks. His jaw dropped as he stared in horror at the butterfly's corpse laying crushed in the dirt. "CINDY!!!" He shrieked in a high pitched scream.

Shikamaru, Choji and Naruto all looked over at the wailing Shino just noticing he was there. Suddenly thousands of bugs flew out of his pants and attacked Choji covering his entire fat body and bringing him to the ground.

Choji screamed in pain as Naruto and Shikamaru jumped into each others arms. "I think I just shit myself," Naruto whispered in fear.

After a few moments Choji stopped moving under the pile of insects and they soon retreated back to Shino. All that remained of Choji was a fat bleached white skeleton.

Naruto and Shikamaru stared at the pile of bones in horror, shaking with fear. Shino walked up to the remains and carefully picked up the dead blue butterfly. "Cindy," He mumbled as he cradled it in his arms.

"Uh-um, Shino?" Naruto squeaked.

"WHAT!" Shino snapped angrily.

"Um, ha-have you seen my ramen by any chance?" Naruto asked nervously huddling closer to Shikamaru, who was still staring at Choji's bare skeleton.

"No," Shino replied coldly before turning and heading off into the woods.

His bugs swarmed into a clump forming a hand, which gave them the finger, and then headed off after Shino.

"That was close," Shikamaru said shaking.

"Way too close," Naruto agreed.

"Asuma's gonna kill me," Shikamaru sighed.

"Most likely," Naruto replied.

"Why are you still holding me?" Shikamaru asked staring at Naruto.

"I'm not sure," Naruto replied letting go of Shikamaru slowly.

"All right then, shall we go?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yeah, I still need to find my RAMEN!" Naruto cried before they both headed back towards the village leaving Choji's bones behind in the dust.

"So who have you questioned so far?" Shikamaru asked as he and Naruto walked through town.

"Let's see, Sasuke, Kiba, Sakura, Ino, Lee, Choji, you, Potter, and Shino so far, and I doubt it was Hinata, she's way to nice and shy to steal ramen. Only Foul Bastards do that!" Naruto cried angrily.

"Alright, so that's all of your squad, all of my squad, and all of Kiba's squad, which leaves one squad uncovered," Shikamaru said dramatically.

"Who? Which one? Who?!" Naruto asked eagerly bouncing up and down.

"The rest of Lee's squad, Neji and that girl," Shikamaru replied narrowing his eyes.

"Neji… he's probably at his house, doing something… stupid," Naruto said stroking his chin in thought.

"Alright then, let's go," Shikamaru said turning around and heading for the Hyuga household.

"RAMEN!!!" Naruto cried running ahead.

"Spaz," Shikamaru sighed.

Hinata was walking down town following an angry Akamaru. He had rushed up to her only moments before and tugged on her pants indicating that he wanted her to follow him. _Where is he taking me?_ Hinata though curiously. "Are you taking me to Kiba-kun, is he okay?" She asked the small dog.

Akamaru just growled and kept walking ahead. Suddenly a large dust cloud raced down the road towards them. "RAMEN!!!" A voice wailed.

"Naruto-kun?" Hinata wondered, squinting her eyes to see the figure leading the cloud.

"RAMEN!!! …Hi Hinata… RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The shinobi cried as he rushed past her down the road.

"Um… hello Naruto-kun," Hinata whispered shyly watching him go.

Suddenly Shikamaru appeared beside her. "Hey Hinata, do you know where your cousin Neji is by any chance?" He asked calmly.

"Um, probably training with TenTen… in the forest," Hinata said softly avoiding eye contact.

"Man, we were just there, what a drag… Hey AIRHEAD! He's In The Forest Training!" Shikamaru shouted to Naruto.

Naruto slid to a stop and looked around, _Forest, forest, where's the forest?_ He thought before rushing off again in a different direction.

"Thanks Hinata, see ya," Shikamaru said before heading off after Naruto.

_I wonder why they're looking for him,_ Hinata thought watching them go. Akamaru barked bringing her back to reality and they headed off again.

Neji and TenTen lay in the forest eating each other faces off behind a bush. Everyone thought they were out "training" together but they were really just hooking up the whole time. Neji had worked his hand up TenTen's shirt and had almost reached her bra when someone cleared his throat behind them.

_Ah, fuck me!_ Neji thought in misery as he jumped off TenTen and turned around expecting to find Gai-Sensei standing there.

But it was much worse. It was Naruto and Shikamaru standing there, staring down at them. _Fuck me sideways!_ Neji thought wanting to cut himself.

TenTen sat next to him turning bright red and wishing she was invisible. "What do you want?" Neji finally asked trying to act natural.

"I was just wondering, have either of you seen my ramen-y goodness? It's gone missing," Naruto asked calmly.

Neji and TenTen exchanged glances. "No," TenTen said totally thrown off by his question.

Naruto looked them over and stared at them in turn. Finally he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. "Okay." He said then turned and walked away.

Shikamaru turned to follow him. "Training, my ass," Neji heard him mumble.

"That was so awkward!" TenTen cried covering her face when the two were out of ear shot.

"Ramen-y goodness, what the hell?" Neji muttered in disgust

"Next time, use your Byakugan so we can see if anyone's coming," TenTen said behind her hands.

"Yeah, should have thought of that before," Neji mumbled scratching his head.

"Someone kill me!" TenTen cried to the heavens.

"We still need to find my RAMEN!!!!" Naruto cried randomly in the distance.

_Idiot, _Neji thought hitting himself in the forehead.

"Naruto are you sure _you_ didn't eat the ramen?" Shikamaru asked as the two walked out of the woods.

"Wow, I never thought of that. And now that you bring it up… maybe I did… did I?" Naruto replied, now deep in thought.

"I should've known, what a drag," Shikamaru sighed.

"I guess I could always just buy more, but that wouldn't be as fun." Naruto thought aloud.

"Remind me again why I hang out with you?" Shikamaru asked.

"I really don't know," Naruto replied.

"Jeez, well I'm off," Shikamaru said shaking his head and walking off.

"Alright, see you later," Naruto said waving to him as he left, "Now what should I do? …… I know! I'll go sucker Iruka-sensei into buying me more!"

With that Naruto skipped off down the road to find his former sensei and force him to buy more ramen-y goodness.

Hinata finally arrived home after bitching out Kiba when she found him and Sasuke stoned off their rockers at the Uchiha house. "So immature," Hinata growled, "Wait until I tell Kurenai-sensei."

She walked into her room and reached under her bed where 5 packages of ramen lay hidden. "At least I have this ramen!" She said smirking, "And Naruto-kun will never know."

THE END

Review!! Please? We really love good reviews- no flaming, we know it was weird, but that's why this is a fanfic! Right? Right!

Okay: Other disclaimers!!!: We don't own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does, and we don't own Star Wars, Hellsing (or it might have been Trinity Blood, Furby handles that stuff, not me) or this cartoon that we found but for some reason I can't remember the website name! But it goes like this: Orochimaru: Dude, I just had, like, a _realization._

Itachi: I'm going to regret this, but what?

Orochimaru: It would be so cool if I was, like, a ninja! No-like, like a _snake_ ninja and I could hiss and shit! That would be _awesome!_

Itachi: You're stoned off your rocker, aren't you?

Orochimaru: Yeah...

So I can't remember where that's from, but its awesome and I'm going to try to cite it as soon as I can. Anyway, I'll update with the next chapter soon! DSA and FurbyGirl

14


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